Keep it up, Bean

Keep it up, Bean

How does the baby I held become the young woman I see?

How did your tiny self become an adult overnight?

How did our conversations move from birds and trees to grief and change? And just as quickly — laughing over chickens? What is this “in-between,” preteen phase of little and mature all wrapped up in one?

How did the tender rolls of your baby skin grow into the beauty I see now?

How did a full little soul become a growing, changing, loving young woman? And still be wholly who you always were?

A tiny person growing into a whole. Like a tree reaching for the sun or a wave rippling to the shore, He made your body and soul know to grow and change and surprise me. 

But more than that, how am I ok with this? Why are my primary emotions peace and pride? Not fear and stall? I am so proud of who you are becoming. Not because of anything you do, but because of who you are. And you were so solidly who you were from the day you were conceived until now — but now, more and more, I am getting to know who that who is. 

I suppose we both are. Little by little. It’s weird and embarrassing and full of change and fear — but we’re both learning. Learning who you are and how to be who God made you to be…and how I can help, support, and nurture you in this lifetime task.

Oh little love, I am learning too. How to be a mom to you in the way you need, when to step back, when to hold close. It is hard and it is quick. But I think we’re doing ok. 

Keep it up, Bean. 

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Love, Rachel