Lord, then I don't need to be redeemed

I want a good life, beautiful and bright.
I don’t want the suffering, awful night.
I want You to give light
I don’t want You out of sight.

I want it all perfect,
all my need so neatly met.
I want it to be just as I dreamed.
Lord, then I don’t need to be redeemed.

I want it to be simple and predicted.
I don’t want You to have to fix it.
I don’t ever want it broken,
I know it only takes one Word spoken.

For you to save me from my terrors,
For you to refute all those nay sayers.
But for some reason you’re silent
Though in trouble my heart I rent.

Rent in prayer and supplication,
Miracles pled, all desperate laden,
“You can save him,” I have cried!
“Why were you silent, when he died?”

“I was silent when you cried,
I was absent when he died.
I let him slip away,
I called him to eternal day.”

“It was My hand moving.
Yes, those final moments my doing.
I will own it, it is mine.”
Came oh so softy this awful line.

“Why?” I asked, my stomach churning
My heart it was still burning.
This anger rose up in me,
Foreign, hot, and searing misery.

How can you claim this and be good,
That this has happened as it should?
How can You turn away this chance,
To show the world You’re miraculous?

When my furious storm was spent,
Heaven with quiet comfort bent,
“I know what you cannot see.
I know what is meant to be.

It’s true – I’m righteous in my ways,
but child, I am kind through all these days.
My work is gentle, perfect, good.
And I work the beauty you never could.

I am weaving a cloth of life.
The beauty, and yes the strife,
are this side but thread and knot
But on the other, a beauty never thought

You’ll see that grand design,
And you’ll know then as you’re known
You’ll glory in the grief and weakness,
And in the pain that left you speechless.

You’ll know you’re better off redeemed,
That pain – it wasn’t what it seemed.
It prepared you for the weights of glory,
Praise will be your never ending story.

You’ll then know you’re better broken,
When your sleep of suffering woken,
Then you see what it will be,
Your pain a mighty tapestry.

For now you’ll learn the longing
For your eternity of belonging
When Heaven with glories beam
You’ll see its better that I redeem.”