With words

Her words hung in the air as we all glanced at each other. The tension was palpable. “I hate that denomination. They are horrible people. The whole lot of them.” The conversation that had started as a friendly inquiry about each other had quickly become a comparison of Christian denominations. Honestly, as I stood there, I was far more concerned about the Hindi and Atheist listening in.

Old fears welled up inside of me. Tall, unachievable standards of perfect communication clouded my thoughts. What to say? How to “bring it back to Scripture” or whatever else I am supposed to do in these moments?? My thoughts were racing and my heart rate was picking up speed. I looked down. Breathed deep and lifted a prayer. I opened my mouth to speak but a classmate spoke first. “Why?” He asked simply.

Out came a woman’s story. A troubled childhood of legalism and neglect. A middle child in a minister’s family in post-colonial Jamaica. High expectations and poor performance. No answers for her questions, only criticism. We listened. And that’s what she needed.

She later told me, and my curious classmate, that she wanted to stay in touch. She thanked us and asked for our numbers.

“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience…” (1 Peter 3:15-16).

Peter urges us to not just live the gospel (we talked about this last week), but also be ready to speak the gospel. With words. Be ready to give an answer to everyone with gentleness and respect.

How do I, a mom with a million things on her mind, stay “ready” to give an answer? Well a few things stood out in this verse that I found helpful.

First, revere Christ as Lord. Not the people who may mock you, not the Christians who do it better than you, not the possible negative effects. Christ. And He loves you.

This is the fear of God and not man, which I struggle with. I don’t like confrontation (who does?) and I am a chronic people pleaser (most are). Unlearning these behaviors has been an uphill battle for me. BUT, I can say that the only real progress I’ve made in this is simply asking God to help me fear Him and only Him. And He answers that kind of prayer. People pleasing goes deep - and puts people on the throne of my life instead of Christ. No one, no matter how spiritual, has that place. But de-throning? That is hard and a choice to be made every day.

Revering Christ as Lord (and no one else) is preparing us to answer. And we do that every single day as a habit of the soul. You can start preparing now by asking and letting Him guide your decisions today!

Second, give an answer to those who ask. Notice that the woman in the opening example had no questions. She just needed someone to listen, as my Christian classmate wisely realized. But who has asked you recently? For me this year, it’s very, very few. And that makes sense. I just moved here. I have not built the trust necessary for someone to ask me those types of questions with an open heart. My new friends are still learning who I am. So I let myself be an open book. I share my struggles and my beliefs about parenting or the workplace or (in my field) racism in English instruction. I am genuine. When I lived in Michigan, I had lots of opportunities to speak into people’s lives because I had been in them for 2, 3, or 15 years. Many people still stay in touch via text message. But my friends in Toronto? Not so much. Not yet.

Last weekend, I was asked a lot about how to pass the teaching practicum. Not about the Lord. But it’s not wasted time. Building trust and friendship takes time. The goal of my friendship is never to “seal the deal” with a conversion. It’s always, always to be a link in the chain. Their life is a journey and I have no idea where I fit on that path. But I want to be faithful with my small link, whether it’s the middle or the end. And honestly, if you get to the point where people want complicated evidence and arguments, they trust you. You can invite them to do a book study with you. Ask your elders or pastors to recommend some good resources. There are so many out there.

My husband, Joel, likes to say his goal is just to “put a pebble in their shoe”. A thought that stays with them and makes them ponder God or eternity. It’s just a thought. And the Spirit does what he wants with it. It takes the pressure off and helps you not to be afraid when the moment arises.

Finally, “with gentleness and respect” we give our answers. I read that and realize how often I don’t feel gentleness. Sometimes I come into conversations “not ready” because I don’t have genuine compassion for the person before me. Maybe I disagree with their lifestyle and I can’t be curious about why they’ve made the choices they have. Maybe I’m afraid of their rejection. Maybe I have pity for them, a twisted cousin of empathy.

I could go on, but I think you understand - being “ready” is a heart posture of fearing God, waiting patiently for trust to build, and having genuine respect and gentleness in our eventual delivery of answers.

Witness is essential, and we, as women, have a unique opportunity in this lonely world. I’m praying for you today, sister. Whether you use your life, your words, or you focus on preparing your heart. All of it is important. All of it will pour into eternity.

(I highly recommend Stay Salt by Rebecca Pippert for more on this topic. I found her book easy to read in small snatches of time - I’m pretty sure I listened to it - and extremely encouraging and practical.)