Worth it.

Worth it.

It's been a couple months, and I suppose all the social media professionals would tell me not to post two posts in a day, but I have a minute so here we are. 

We're moving. It's so hard to say that - again. People ask me if I am happy, if this is what I want. And I don't know how to respond. Do I WANT to leave the only house I've ever owned? Watch my kids adjust again to a new place? Again? Walk into new situations and relationships? No. No, I am not happy about that. 

We have moved a lot. And up until now, it has always been for cheaper rent or more space or whatever - we didn't really mind leaving the old place behind. But now? When our neighborhood feels like family and our church is the only one we've ever known? When we're needed and wanted and known? When so many people we love are "praying against us"? We mind, we mind a lot. 

But you don't follow by looking back. And every time I sit in my ashes and fear, the Lord quietly reminds me that there is more to this life than what I can see. That the "gifts and calling of God are irrevocable" (Romans 11:29). That when He placed a calling on my soul as a single woman trying to decide if I would marry this man - and He placed the exact same call on my (now) husband Joel, while I was half a world away - He still means for us to follow it. 

And that will mean loss. It will cost, dearly. But taking up that cross, walking that path, losing the home and proximity to family we love, it is the path of Christ. And, "He is no fool that gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose" (Jim Elliot).

For the past 7 months, we have been counting that cost. And grieving it. Every sidewalk, bonfire and smiling face. Every quiet worship meeting, every sun soaked porch moment and every twinkling evening of Christmas fellowship. And when we weigh it against eternity, against the joy set before, against the growing call of the One that left it all and suffered it all that He might win us - me! - I cannot compare it. The cost counted, the loss worth it, the Lord everything. 

We're moving to Toronto in a month or so to answer a call from 15 years ago. We'll be around Chinese people, studying the language again, praying about what's next. Maybe we won’t reach China, that’s ok and in His hands. Such fruit has come from this call already! 

Joel’s still unemployed, and that is crazy hard. But the more we pray over this, the more we’re sure that this is exactly where God wants us right now. We’ve seen Him provide in incredible, humbling ways and have found Him faithful. We’ve learned that money, income, career, people’s opinions, the comfort of home - these are the things that we tend to find our identities in, but they will fail us. And that has been scary. But there is also such freedom in watching the visible dissolve and finding the Invisible so completely solid. We’re listing our home in two weeks and praying that God continues to use this beautiful place to further His kingdom. 

Do we know where we are going? No. Are we doing this flippantly? No. But - Are we happy? Yes. Humbly, heartily, eternally so. 

I’ll try to keep you updated. Thank you for following, please pray for us.